19 Years Young

Today(although now technically yesterday), 19 years ago at 08:26, I was born Daniel Crompton. 19! That is a long time ago. That makes me old. I'm a young person, but 19 is a very long time. I haven't done enough with my life yet, I need to really immerse myself into activities in the next few years I think. As I spent around 6 hours of my day alone, I did a lot of thinking. I feel very odd this day. I don't think I was happy today, I've had a nice day, and I haven't been sad, but I haven't been happy for a long time. I don't think I've been properly happy since December 2007. I get very paranoid, very easily. The tone, or even certain words, or timing of the way I am communicated with, can upset me very quickly. I over think, but this, I put down to the amount of time I am alone.

This is my biggest fear. Dying alone. Dying lonely. As you all know, Michael Jackson died recently, died a very lonely man, a very poor, lonely and ill man. He was always surrounded by people, and he felt alone.

Before I turn 20, an age that frightens me, I want to be happy. I know how quickly it will come around, it does feel like only yesterday I fell off that pogo stick and danced on a chair to Hava Nagila. I don't know if I'll get there. It'd be good to feel happier. I don't feel sad, no way. Just not happy.

Just noticing the time, I am now into my second day of being 19. My last year as a teenager. I am going to be spending the majority of it in London. I'm hoping this will be the turning point. Get out of Swansea, starting a new part of my life, so I don't have to return to the one I've been desperately trying to out grow.

This is enough of that methinks.

Dan