Dance wiv me.

I started having relationships with guys around 5 years ago. My first kiss with a guy was in Teen Spirit, he had lipstick on, and was about a foot taller than I was then. It felt good to finally do something I'd wanted to do, but couldn't, because back then I didn't know anyone gay. I met my first boyfriend a couple of months later. It wasn't a very good experience at all, I was used and I very much hate this person to this day. He ruined something that I should be able to enjoy with people I love. Only once have I thought I was in love, and I never had sex with him, but I don't think it would have been the special moment it should have been because of what happened to me with my first boyfriend.

As I am single now, all the relationships I have been in, obviously, have failed. Usually this is my fault, although I know in one case it was nothing to do with me. But I do tend to blame myself, especially for the relationships I end, one I wish I never had ended. It's usually something I do or say, or don't do or don't say.

I have learnt that relationships based on physical attraction alone do not work and, relationships that are based on personality alone don't work.

The mistakes I have made with relationships have been spectacularly bad sometimes, even though one did lead to something good.

I said to myself that I wouldn't get involved with anyone before I go away, which unsurprisingly, was advice I did not take. This was stupid, and I have ended up disappointed. I'm not upset, because I was not going to carry it through to when I move to London. I know I will find someone in that big city, that fits many of the boxes. I've only ever found one of those before. These are the people I am going to fall in love with, and the only people I am going to pursue in future.

I'm going to leave it on that positive note =]

Dan

19 Years Young

Today(although now technically yesterday), 19 years ago at 08:26, I was born Daniel Crompton. 19! That is a long time ago. That makes me old. I'm a young person, but 19 is a very long time. I haven't done enough with my life yet, I need to really immerse myself into activities in the next few years I think. As I spent around 6 hours of my day alone, I did a lot of thinking. I feel very odd this day. I don't think I was happy today, I've had a nice day, and I haven't been sad, but I haven't been happy for a long time. I don't think I've been properly happy since December 2007. I get very paranoid, very easily. The tone, or even certain words, or timing of the way I am communicated with, can upset me very quickly. I over think, but this, I put down to the amount of time I am alone.

This is my biggest fear. Dying alone. Dying lonely. As you all know, Michael Jackson died recently, died a very lonely man, a very poor, lonely and ill man. He was always surrounded by people, and he felt alone.

Before I turn 20, an age that frightens me, I want to be happy. I know how quickly it will come around, it does feel like only yesterday I fell off that pogo stick and danced on a chair to Hava Nagila. I don't know if I'll get there. It'd be good to feel happier. I don't feel sad, no way. Just not happy.

Just noticing the time, I am now into my second day of being 19. My last year as a teenager. I am going to be spending the majority of it in London. I'm hoping this will be the turning point. Get out of Swansea, starting a new part of my life, so I don't have to return to the one I've been desperately trying to out grow.

This is enough of that methinks.

Dan

First Blog

So I am pretty much a blog virgin. I once tried vlogging, but it just made me feel stupid.I don't know why though because I tend to talk to myself all the time. Apparently getting a blog is a good idea for university, well, according to my mother anyway. I guess I should start here:

To celebrate my imminent birthday, I'd organized a meal and a night on the tiles. I'd invited just short of 25 people, mainly just to keep the peace. 8 attended. I am rather glad it was only 8, the bill was easy, and more importantly, people whom I class as good or best friends were the ones who showed, thus validating my judgement. I do like it when I am right.

The waiter and the service in general was nice, if not slow. The free wine was well received. I'm glad I used film cameras, I am looking forward to the results. I'm also looking forward to the results of other photos from last night, apart from Sara's, which are usually of people eating, or of herself.

Dancing and that was good, and town was quite busy which was nice. I'm going to attempt a drink list, just to prove to myself that my memory is alright;

Two Gin and Tonics

Three glasses of Prosecco Brut

One glass of dry white wine

One apple sourz shot

Two vodka and lemonades

Four glasses from two pitchers of Strawberry WooWoo

and One Mysterious, yet delicious shot.

I think this would explain why I feel slightly dizzy this morning. Aside from that I feel fine. I think I shall go and collect my stuff from the restaurant this afternoon.

This has been fun, well, as fun as typing can get. Lets see how this goes.

Dan